I started this blog a week ago. Already I've missed one day and got to 1am today before finding time to sit read and reflect on the day. This week feels busy. Work has regained it's strength and is thriving on 2011 and quickly devouring it. It feels as though it will soon be new years eve again as the years will flit by like the wind. Projects at work and in the studio are looming again making my deep work ethic and perfectionism jostle for position to distract me and help me forget the focus and confidence i started my year with.
When presented with work it gets done, and at the moment there is lots to go around. I'm recording tomorrow, which I love, but to find time to do it I'm actually sacrificing a large percentage of the time I normally get to spend with my little girl as it is one of my normal RDO's. I do it but that work is not something that helps me reach what i want or something that let's me take the time I desperately need to find what God would have me be and how my life should look.
God has given me a blessed life, I'm so busy living I forget to be blessed and let him shine through me. The thing is it takes effort, and sometimes I blatantly can't be bothered. But that isn't really good enough. I want God to be proud of me but i also want what I am to be meaningful to others.
God can and does use us to reach the world. Once upon a time for me it felt like God was always working with me, helping people see the amazing joy that comes from knowing God. But these days I have shut him down with work and busy running around doing unimportant worldly drivel. There is a lot to cleaning to do to let my life reach it's potential but I know that God is a really thorough and powerful cleaner who, with constant petition, will make me clean and usable. Ohh to feel him move people around me again. I pray that the world be changed through me...
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